A question unanswered for so very long...

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:
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> If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ..... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ..... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.
> 
> If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ...... it's male indifference. If you cry .. you're a wimp. If you don't ...... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ....... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ...... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.
> 

Shorties

Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A: Where you left it!

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

A: knock on the door

Q: Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

A: simply because they don't want to get their nuts wet!

Gloria says to her husband: "take off my bra"

        "fine"  says the husband

Gloria says to her husband: "take off my thong"

         "fine" says the husband

Gloria sighs, saying: "and don't wear my clothes again!"

An irishman was driving to the supermarket when he saw a sign at the side of the road saying: 'Tesco left'  so he turned around and went home.

Two ducks in a pond.  One says to the other "Quack"  the second replies "damn it you!  I was going to say that"

An englishman says "look a dead bird"  the irishman looks up "where???"